The Haunting In Connecticut

22.07 Unknown 0 Comments

Ghosts terrify me. Both the idea of them and the real thing. I firmly believe ("know," really) that I've encountered what I'd have to call ghosts twice in my life. The second encounter was physical (I'm quite certain that it touched me) and was sufficient to send me running into the night like a scared little toddler. This is different, btw, from me saying that I have some solid theory as to exactly "WHAT" a ghost is in a spiritual sense or otherwise; there's simply no other term to describe the phenomena I encountered on these occasions - and no other term to describe my reaction other than abject mortal terror. I am scared of ghosts like I'm scared of no other 'unreal' thing.

As such, bad ghost movies are my LEAST favorite type of bad movie, because they force me into a critical paradox: When it comes to horror movies, the question of whether or not it's "scary" is generally supposed to be an all-powerful measure which can render all other issues moot - if it "works" at scaring you, then clearly the bad acting, directing, etc. didn't "matter," right? Problem is, I'm going to be "scared" by ANY ghost movie, even a bad one, which puts me in the unpleasant position of explaining how a horror film that terrified me was still crappy regardless. So, basically, if you want a four-word review of this film: Scared me, still sucked.

We're in familiar "Amityville" territory, story-wise: A troubled family moves into an old dark house that does EVERYTHING it can to advertise itself as haunted even BEFORE they find out it's an abandoned funeral home (complete with untouched, fully-stocked morgue!) and things start going bump (preceded, of course, by an on-cue drop in the ambient noise) in the night. They need the house because it's close to the hospital where the eldest son is undergoing experimental Cancer treatments, a plot-device which does double-duty at keeping them from moving out AND explaining why people don't believe the kid's visions. Said kid, by the way, is REALLY asking for it: Following a nightmare in which he encounters a specter in the basement, he immediately decides thats where he'll keep his bed. Not the smartest move he'll make.

The "what's going on" is predictable as hell, a half-hearted grab-bag of every haunted house cliche in the book including but not limited to grave-robbing, necromancy, wronged kids, seances, ectoplasm and excuses for the employment of the old spooky-old-timey-photograph routine. For what it's worth, I can safely say the film also employs just about the stupidest excuse for getting the lights all turned out in recent memory. Virginia Madsen plays the mom, while Elias Koteas does what he can in a simply AWFUL role as a fellow cancer patient who AMAZINGLY turns out to be a ghost-busting priest. What're the odds?
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I Love You Man

21.41 Unknown 0 Comments

Here's one of those movies who's screenplay seems to have come from a writer thumbing through "Us," "People" or some other worthless checkout-counter pablum, reading about pop-culture non-words like "man-date" or "man-cave" and going "A-HA!" I'm not sure if that's where "I Love You Man" came from, but that's what it plays-out like. Is it funny? Sure. But much like the non-words forming it's high-concept, nobody will remember it in a year or less.

Paul Rudd is playing a realtor named Peter who's impending marriage has inadvertently sent him into a mini-crisis - amid his consideration of a "best man," his family and friends point out that he doesn't have (has never had, really) any close male friends; certainly not a "best" one. The reasons for this are easily divined: Peter is the Perfect Boyfriend, a one-man girl-drink-mixin', chick-flick-toleratin', problem-listenin' machine who's dedication to pleasing his ladyfriends has left him without a discernable male social life. Now, the poor guy is seeing pairs of Good Buddies everywhere he looks; so he embarks on a quest to "pick up" some Y-chromosomed compatriots.

So, it's the "formula" of a romantic comedy applied to a story of platonic male friendship. There've been worse ideas. The film is at it's weakest (though still amusing) early on as it name-checks the tropes of "man-dates" and expected gags - with the hysterical exception of Thomas Lennon (your go-to-guy for ambiguous homosexuality) as an "ideal" suitor who's notion of "man-date" is significantly more literal than Peter's. The film get's to it's "point" when Peter meets slovenly uber-masculine slacker Sidney (Jason Segel) and they hit it off... to the point that it starts to cause some friction with Peter's regular fiancee-centric life.

Yes, it's another scion of "Clerks" in which a guy's rocky road to adulthood is impeded, commented-on and (maybe) helped by his wackier best bud. But it's reasonably funny, even if it won't likely be remembered as a high point in anyone's career.
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Duplicity (2009)

00.33 Unknown 0 Comments

Most "twist" movies are thrillers, aiming to end on a "WHOA!" "Duplicity" is definately a twist-movie, but it's content to end on an modestly-upbeat "Heh." In exchange for the lack of thrills, we get a lot of very talented actors (AND Julia Roberts... ahem...) exchanging witty espionage banter that the film hopes we'll find exponentially funnier through the magic of ironic juxtaposition, i.e. all the skullduggery is between rival cosmetics tycoons.

Roberts and Clive Owen (THE go-to-guy actor when the breakdown calls for "James Bond only not") are a pair of rival spies (formerly CIA and MI6, respectively) who meet-cute again (or do they?) on opposite sides (or are they?) of the hired counter-intel teams for two New York cosmetics barons. One of the CEOs (Tom Wilkinson) is sitting on a secret miracle product (or is he?) sought by his rival (Paul Giamatti.) The pair of spies, who had a prior romantic encounter years ago (or is it ongoing?) hatch a plan to double-cross both sides and make off with the Big Money themselves. The timeline cuts back and forth between the present-plan and the past of the two leads, aiming to keep the audience guessing as to who's been on who's side and for how long.

It's all suitably breezy and well paced, and it's doing it's damndest to recreate the "sophisticated" (read: "detached") couples-sparring that informed oldschool caper/romance flicks like "The Thomas Crowne Affair" or "Charade;" but in the end it's a house of cards stacked entirely too high for the flimsy material said cards are made of... though, it must be said, it MIGHT have helped to not hinge so much of the film on the concept of Julia Roberts as a source of potent sexual power. Nice effort, though.
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Knowing

01.42 Unknown 0 Comments

If you're considering seeing "Knowing," (the new Nicholas Cage movie) I reccomend that you do so AND that you do so immediately without reading any reviews whatsoever. It's a solid, wholly watchable and entertaining thriller; but it's REAL pleasures are in the fact that well more than HALF of it remains magnificiently unspoiled by the trailers - meaning that you here have the rare opportunity to be genuinely gobsmacked by WHERE a major studio movie actually "goes" and "ends up." How often does that happen.

If you've seen the trailers, you know that Cage is playing a college professor who discovers a child's "drawing" of seemingly random numbers inside a 50 year-old Time Capsule recently unearthed; and shortly thereafter discovers that the numbers work out to a pattern that seems to predict the dates of the last 50 years of major disasters... and a few more to come. That's ALL anyone should know going in, if anything. If this does any kind of business this weekend, people are going to be "WTF??"ing about it at every available water cooler all week starting monday, so you might as well get in on it NOW.
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WATCHMEN VIDEO REVIEW

09.11 Unknown 0 Comments

Because YOU demanded it, because YOU wanted it, because... eh... THEY were willing to put it up, here's my full video review of the movie everyone will be lying about having seen in theatres and knowing was a classic "the whole time" about a year from now, once again courtesy of the fine folks over at The Escapist:



Once again, PLEASE visit The Escapist's actual site after watching the video. These guys are fighting the good fight, bringing REAL intellectual debate to the geek universe, and they deserve your support: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/the-escapist-presents/622-MovieBob-Reviews-Watchmen
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Hayter's Letter

12.39 Unknown 0 Comments

"Watchmen" co-screenwriter (from a draft or two back) and sometime video game voice actor David Hayter had an "open letter" to film fans that's been making the rounds, you can read a good full copy over on AICN: http://www.aintitcool.com/node/40409

Basically, he's asking not only Watchmen fans but also detractors, mixed-feelers and even not-carers to go see it (again) this weekend. His reasoning is sound: Hollywood math is all about how hard you drop in the 2nd weekend, and if "Watchmen" takes a Jonas Bros. level tumble in IT'S 2nd weekend the verdict will be in: Only "fanboys" care, you can't make money JUST off them, next time cut it to a PG13, get Beyonce' working on a theme song and hire Bret Ratner. I'm with Hayter on this one - a movie this uncompromising NEEDS to be seen as a success, to encourage more like it to be made.

If you have ANY inclination to see this again, do it today or saturday. Take friends. Spend 7 to 10 bucks, and help make the movie world a better place.
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WATCHMEN

21.05 Unknown 0 Comments

You've read enough essays on this by now. Here's my take (seen twice) in semi-bullet list form.

SPOILERS FOLLOW. BIG ONES. I'M NOT KIDDING.

- I don't know if it's better than "Dark Knight." I FEEL that it is, but that could be shock-of-the-new. I DO know that it's "part of the problem" that the first thing to compare this to is another superhero movie instead of filmmaking in general, but that's another discussion. I CAN say with certainty that it's a more exciting, vital, interesting, "alive" film than "Knight" by leaps and bounds. Don't get me wrong, TDK still ought've been nominated for an Oscar and still ought've won in that case, but next to this it looks (even moreso) almost overly safe and - at worst - terrified of it's own shadow. It goes to dark-"ish" places for a "genre" film, but only after a methodical removal of as many 'Batman' elements as can possibly be removed while still having it BE Batman... an understandable reaction to the excesses of the Schumacher era that, none the less, can sometimes create the feeling that the film is trying to gently lead a frightened non-geek audience (and critics) safely through the darks woods ("Shh! Shh! It's okay, it's okay. You're soooo brave. See? It barely looks like a Bat costume at all. S'ok. S'ok. See? It's a crime-thriller. You're not really watching one of those awful superhero movies. That's my brave, brave boy.") "Watchmen," on the other hand, is proud as HELL of it's otherworldliness and has it's colors flying right off the damn bat: "FUCK YEAH! THAT GUY IS BLUE, NAKED AND FIFTY FEET TALL, AND WE'RE NOT EVEN GONNA TELL YOU WHY FOR ANOTHER HOUR! CAN'T WRAP YOUR HEAD AROUND THAT? TOO FUCKIN' BAD! "JONAS BROTHERS" IS PLAYIN' ACROSS THE HALL, PROBABLY MORE YOUR SPEED. THE REST OF US HAVE A MOVIE TO WATCH!" And I ADORE it for that.

- The "new-ish" ending works. Period. Not only does it fit better in a practical sense into a singular film that can't functionally follow an entire "other" whodunnit that doesn't directly involve any of the main cast, but it strengthens the characters involved by adding an extra dimension of personal betrayal - Ozy doesn't just use and hurt his former teammates in his scheme, he uses the public's already-established fear and hatred of superheroes to his advantage. It's a textbook-perfect lesson in proper adaptation: You don't fabricate from thin air, you use what's already there in a different way.

- Also regarding the ending and adaptation - it's interesting to see the way a different medium imposes different needs and expectations. It's one thing for the book's Nite Owl to simpy, give up, "sell out" and let us down by surrendering to Ozy's victory; as a drawing-and-text open to wider interpretation it's possible to view him as a pathetic, vaugely-amusing schlub for whom this final flaccid innaction is just another addition to the MOUNTAIN of evidence that he never had any real business trying to be superhero... for THAT Nite Owl to get in a cathartic "screw you!" whack at Ozy would be a betrayal. BUT as a flesh and blood (onscreen) human who's actual voice and expressions TELL US that he's a decent guy, and let us see the real pain he has trying to relate to Laurie outside of his costume? Yes. It's right and proper that THIS Nite Owl would take a shot and want to have SOME semblance of a final say.

- This is NOT an inaccessible film for non-fans or even non-geeks. Not by a longshot. You don't need to have read this comic or ANY comic to "get into" this movie. All you need is an open mind free of genre-bias and a willingness to let a film explain itself slowly and not all-at-once. It doesn't require any more familiarity with the source than any decent historical film or biography. If you could follow "Milk" without ever having been to Casto Street, you can follow this.

- It's funny, though... For all the talk of it "confusing" non-fans the only two things that I can imagine would give the uninitiated pause don't seem to bother many people, particularly the critics who're otherwise soooo sure this is for-fans-only: The film never bothers to explain how or why Rorscharch's mask works like it does, nor where the hell Ozymandias got Bubastis (the big purple kitty,) but it doesn't seem to "bug" anyone but me. I think this might be where Zack Snyder's over-criticized stylization helps out: It's a realistic film, but he bathes it in a gloss of comic book hyperrealism that I imagine innoculates it against a lot of "wait... the hell did he get THAT!?" that might be present in a more "verite" approach.

- Incidentally, i.e. Zack Snyder: It's settled. He's a genuine talent. A REAL visionary with the kind of eye for pop-art-AS-ART that we haven't seen emerge since the early films of Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson. I NEED to see him tackle an original film now - one that isn't an adaptation or remake. His vaunted skill at fidelity still betrays a real artist with a clear vision of his own - I want to see it unleashed. He's proved his mettel. That said, let's be clear: "Watchmen" is his FIRST genuinely excellent film. "Dawn of The Dead" and "300" are both fun but ultimately empty exercises - no deeper meaning, no real humanity, just money shoots and mood (especially "Dawn," the prettiest NOTHING THERE zombie movie outside of Resident Evil.)

- Also on Snyder: Guy is a diabolical GENIUS at subconscious audience-manipulation. Watch how the leering, objectifying, dehumanizing cheesecake closeups on Carla Gugino's breasts and ass give way to the leering, objectifying, dehumanizing gaze of The Comedian, who seems to be "thinkin' what we're thinkin', eh boys?"... right up until he beats her up and sexually assaults her; thus implicating the whole audience (or at least 90% of the men and 60-70% of the women) in her objectification and near-rape. That's ballsy, evil and effective. See also: EVERY shot of the NYC skyline has the (still-standing since it's 1985) WTC towers unmistakably visible - an image almost no one can see without thinking of 9-11 on some level. This happens almost a dozen times, a dozen nudging whispers of "remember that?" to the audience, all to make sure it's right up near the front of the brain for the 3rd act's "9-11 times inifinity" money-shot. Yikes. The man has chops.

- Regarding Jackie Earl Haley, aka "Rorscharch" - I FUCKIN' TOLD YOU SO. Could he have BEEN more perfect in this? At my second showing - the "regular audience" screening, NOT the fan-filled midnight show - the crowd burst into applause at "You're locked in here with ME!!!" They'll be throwing cash and "charismatic scary dude" roles at him like no actor since Anthony Hopkins post-"Silence," and he deserves it.

- Regarding Dr. Manhattan's penis: Grow up.
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Guess what I just got back from?

02.25 Unknown 0 Comments

Bob's Journal: Friday, March 6th 2009.

Stupid dog in the hallway today. Every day. Scratched at door. Woke me up. Gave him snausage. Still awake too early. The suburbs are afraid of me. I've seen their true face.

Work bad. People rude. Foul-smelling. Stupid. They'll look up and cry "can I get a price check on this?" And I'll whisper, "No."

Saw "Watchmen." Midnight show. Gorgeous theatre out in the boonies. Overflow house. Fans in costumes. One girl dressed as Silhouette. Astonishing figure. Breasts you could call as evidence before God as to why humanity deserves to avoid Judgement Day for another few decades. Five to one prediction in reality she's a bookstore clerk or a grade-school art teacher. Dresses modestly neo-hippie. No clue how hot she actually is. Surrounded by army of mostly-male, similarly-dispositioned friends who'd leap swords-drawn into the abyss at her command but are too timid to ever actually make the romantic advance they've been plotting-out in their heads since the day each met her; a condition she does not acknowledge either out of naivete' or sadism. Second option more appealing.

Movie excellent. One-ups "Dark Knight" by being darker, meaner, sexier, deeper AND by proving that you CAN do all that without throwing out the color and the otherworldliness. PG-13 Batman movie terrified that a Lazarus Pit might blunt it's "realism" suddenly seems almost cowardly in face of R-rated Watchmen movie that sends a blue man-god to Mars AND has roles for actors playing Nixon, Annie Liebowitz and Pat Buchanan. Malin Ackerman finally good in something. Jackie Earl Haley a revalation. Does the impossible. Makes you regret that Rorschach ever puts his mask back on, once you see how great a facial/physical performance he gives when relieved of it. Will be approached for every "creepy guy" role for forseeable future. Has probably ALREADY been offered Freddy Krueger in the Nightmare remake. Jeffrey Dean Morgan terrific. Expect to see lots of dark-humored couples going as Comedian and Silk Specter I this Halloween. New ending (content-swapped ending, really) works, though could stand to be bloodier. Subtley set up via background details to kick anyone not "ready" for it square in the fucking gut. You'll know what I mean when you see the "money shot." Shot of Silhouette in opening credits sequence one of best things I've ever seen. "Conservative" critics will hate the whole film for that one shot. People need to get the fuck over Dr. Manhattan's junk. You can see his penis clearly in-frame maybe three or four times, otherwise it's BARELY visible since he's all blue, glowy and semi-transparent. You'd think people had never seen a dick before. I christen Zack Snyder: "Michael Bay But With Actual TALENT." Earns lifetime benefit-of-doubt otherwise only afforded to Sam Raimi, Peter Jackson and Paul Verhoeven.

Bed now. Tired. See movie again tommorow. NEED to see how plays to regular Friday night movie crowd that doesn't know every twist that's coming. Also see in morning some point. Want to see horrified (or elated?) reactions of younger audiences brought by ignorant parents. Need sleep. Never compromise. Even in face of unemployment.
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Seeing "Watchmen" tommorow night

21.37 Unknown 0 Comments

Seeing Watchmen midnight show Thursday Midnight. Fingers crossed that A.) it's good and that B.) IF it's good, the non-geek public responds similarly to Dark Knight. Probably not on that second one, given that it's bound to be both a downer and a heavy-thinker, but you never know. I'd LOVE to see it become a major hit, just to see what kind of effect it would have on the genre and action-filmmaking in general.

Oh, Also...

Incidentally, no one NEEDS to go see "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li" - it's AWFUL - but you might want to just so you can watch a movie literally come apart at the seams. It's pretty remarkable in that regard. It started out as part of an ambitious project to do a series of "origin" movies for various Street Fighter characters and then bring them together in a single massive "Street Fighter" movie for a climax; but that plan was seemingly jettisoned midway through and they were left to cobble what they'd already signed into a low-budget action vehicle for Kristin Kreuk with various characters running around with the names and "Mark I" costumes of Street Fighter bit-players.

For the fans: Neil McDonough and Michael Clarke Duncan are M. Bison and Balrog, Robin Shou (Liu Kang from the "Mortal Kombat" movies) is Gen and Chris Klein is Charlie Nash (the "Charlie" who's murder Guile is supposed to be investigating.) Vega turns up approximately twice, lamely. It's a weirdly schizoid adaptation, on the one hand trying to "Dark Knight-ize" the franchise by eschewing the game costumes and grounding the main backstory amid a ghetto-gentrification real estate swindle in Bangkok; but on the other hand Gen teaches Chun-Li to throw magical fireballs and Bison gets a REALLY icky origin story to explain super powers... that he never actually uses. FWIW, Nash survives the movie, presumably saving his death for the never-to-be-filmmed "Legend of Guile" movie. Quick mention at the end of a "Street Fighter Tournament" that Mrs. Li ought to investigate, and a "Ryu somebody."

The screenwriter on this was Justin Marks, currently just about the hottest writer in Hollywood apparently owing to his ability to turn out functional scripts for "fanboy" properties at a good clip thanks to a near-encyclopedic knowledge of - and legitimate enthusiasm-for - the material (he's also behind the initial scripts for the planned "He-Man," "Supermax" aka "Green Arrow in Prison" and "Voltron" movies.) For what it's worth, he DOES seem to have a knack for building a working narrative out of the largely-incidental backstories of properties like this. Whether or not his stuff can lead to GOOD movies remains to be seen, though I'll note that THIS one would've at least been campy fun if they'd been allowed to wear their game costumes.

Oh!, and here's the newest OverThinker:
http://gameoverthinker.blogspot.com/2009/03/episode-twenty-open-letter-to-nintendo.html
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Nothing to report...

21.09 Unknown 0 Comments

Yeah... nothing came out recently, and I've been SWAMPED video work (of my own choosing and doing, I realize) so... not much to update. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

I'm sure I'll see "Street Fighter" before the weekend is out, at least.
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THE MOVIEBOB OSCAR SHOW @ "The Escapist"! GO WATCH NOW!!!

22.34 Unknown 0 Comments

Holy shit. This is too cool.

After featuring several reviews from me as stingers on "The Escapist Show," The Escapist has given me a featured spot as part of "The Escapist Presents" for my very own OSCAR SHOW! Watch here, as I attempt a thorough examination of the nominated films, a breakdown of the nomination process, a dissection of Academy Awards history but MOSTLY rant and rage about the still mega-annoying snub of "The Dark Knight."

Check me out:

Oh, and PLEASE do the main link here as well, even if the player is working. The Escapist has some cool stuff to see, and deserves your attention: http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/the-escapist-presents/561-MovieBob-Oscar-Show

I'll be frank with you guys: It's been a REALLY rough two weeks for me recently. I've got two jobs outside of all the video work - and without getting into big "poor me" details ONE of them I just got laid off from and the second is soon set to close altogether. Not a great situation. But seeing this go up, and seeing the pretty positive reaction to it so far... WOW, what a ray of sunshine. Thank you ALL, seriously. And especially Russ Pitts, the video content head cheese at Escapist who reached out to me for the reviews and continues to be a great guy to do business with.

Wow.


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The new Friday the 13th...

23.12 Unknown 0 Comments

...sucks balls. Another horror-remake misfire from Platinum Dunes, the cadre of Michael Bay cronies who've already blown it with Texas Chainsaw and The Hitcher.

I dunno what movie everybody else on the web has seen. MINE had a decent prologue and a couple of nice boobs, but the rest? Pure shit. The kills are lame, uncreative and shockingly bloodless. The cast of victims-to-be are broad and unlikable even for THIS franchise. And since fucking WHEN is Jason Vorhees a ninja? Not only can this character we're told is a shambling, mentally-handicapped hulk scramble up a bulding like Jason Bourne, he's a crack-shot archer and a master of electrical-espionage. And why the hell does JASON, of all movie-monsters, need his own Batcave secret lair? That's like if The Wolfman had a helicopter.
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(presumably) Devastator

15.09 Unknown 0 Comments

Well, it had to happen EVENTUALLY, but I'm still sort of surprised to see it. Courtesy Transformers Movie Chronicles, here it is: FINALLY there's (apparently) ONE decent-looking robot in a Transformers movie, and it's Devastator:


I'm actually a little conflicted, truth be told. On the one hand, it's the FIRST mecha-design in this series so far that doesn't suck on toast. Yeah, it looks like "generic CGI monster design #5" rendered in construction-vehicle parts, but at least thats better than "Terminator dressed as a pop-art junk sculpture for Halloween" like all the others. And you can see that he's technically made up of about five seperate vehicles that snap together Voltron-style (in the original versions, they also transformed into individual robots on their own called Constructicons, jury's out on if thats the case here) so they got that right. It's just somewhat of a not-unexpected downer that he doesn't look a THING like, well, Devastator. I mean, literally not even close. LESS close than Megatron, even. It's like if they had a picture up marked "New Batman costume" and it was a picture of Darkwing Duck.

In any case, if this is anything like the first one you can expect to see this fellow turn up for about five minutes right at the end, rendered barely visible by Michael Bay's attempt to pretend he's making Black Hawk Down.
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Inglorious Basterds

14.55 Unknown 0 Comments



Well, I'm certainly sold.

FWIW, the main plot of Tarantino's latest concerns a WWII U.S. Army scheme to shell-shock Nazis in occupied France by conscripting a counter-terrorism squad of Jewish soldiers and dropping them into the shit with orders to committ as many acts of violence, torture and over-the-top cruelty they can think of to every German soldier they can lay hands on, with the mandatory MINIMUM being that they collect the SCALPS of their victims, Little Big Horn style. So, "Defiance" meets "Munich" by way of "G.I. Joe." And people wonder why I love this guy...

Early tagline seems to be "There are no crimes... behind enemy lines," which unfortunately translates to "The same toolboxes who tried to appropriate Dark Knight, 300 and Order of The Phoenix as coded messages in support of The Bush Doctrine are probably gonna try and get their mitts on this, too," so if I were QT I'd try and get out in front of that with a big, solid "fuck no!" ASAP.
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Long week...

00.45 Unknown 0 Comments

...you don't even wanna know. BIG coolness coming end of this coming week if all goes well, but right now? Yuck.

Saw "Coraline" - absolute must see. First real stab someone's made at doing a legit horror movie for young kids since I don't even remember when, and it knocks it out of the park. I can safely tell you that I was more scared by THIS movie than I was by The Uninvited. Garaunteed 2009 top-ten movie, easy. If you've got kids, take `em. It's a good movie for all. Will it give them nightmares? Yeah, probably. That's a good thing. Nightmares are practice for how much adulthood eventually sucks.
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"Taken"

20.56 Unknown 0 Comments

What a difference an actor makes. As it turns out, dropping Liam Neeson into a role and a film that both play out like ready-made slots for Steven Seagal can turn said film from a routine one-man-army rescue-actioner into something pretty interesting.

If you've got a guy friend (or maybe it's you, who knows) who got the short end of the stick in a divorce/custody situation - like, say, wifey and The Kid are off with a new, richer, "cooler" guy - THIS is their new favorite movie, period. "Taken" is for 'first-dad's' every bit the wish-fulfillment fantasy that "Gran Torino" was for angry old men. Neeson is a retired CIA hardass who's fed-up wife took their daughter and got hitched to an ultra-wealthy tycoon years ago. Dad 1.0 is too square for their world, and too "uptight" about things like her traveling abroad... until, that is, she's kidnapped by a sex-slave ring in Paris. THEN suddenly daddy's obsessiveness and still-working spymaster skills are the only thing that can save her. They can do other things, too: Earlier in the film, his quick-thinking takedown of a stalker while freelance-guarding a pop singer nets daughter-dearest the music-industry invite she's been wishing for since girlhood. Just like that. Oh, and it goes without saying he was right to be concerned about traveling abroad. They should've just listened to him all along. Doesn't that beat all?

So, it's not a subtle movie... but it's a smart one that plays by smart rules and delivers the action goods without becoming a cartoon-in-a-bad-way. It also holds truer to the concept of a vigilante hero than almost any film I've seen on the subject. There's no sudden-layer of moral righteousness - this guy is a CIA "prevention" expert for whom lying, spying and torture are the tools of the trade, and he has the grim, nigh-amoral determination that would come with such in REALITY. Not to give away what will surely be the film's most talked-about moment, but suffice it to say THIS guy crosses a line that Dirty Harry, "Death Wish's" Paul Kersey and even The Punisher wouldn't cross - and he does it just to PROVE he's willing to.

It's also worth mentioning (though you're gonna get REALLY sick of it's mention from certain corners of the web and political sphere in the coming weeks) that this has to be without a doubt the most politically-incorrect "serious" film to play in theaters in a long time. Not only is the hero an avenging patriarch who also happens to be an (unapologetic) CIA torturer, the baddies are Albian immigrant (to Paris) criminals - who sport matching tattoos of a variation on the Islamic holy insignia, no less! - and, later, the henchman of a virgin-enslaving wealthy Arab figure known only as "The Sheik." YIKES! It's played sans-hyperbole and seems less "mean-spirited" than it does "unconcerned with collateral offense," but there's a tangible current of frustration and vengeance-by-proxy on certain elements of the French criminal world by the French filmmakers. Either way, you don't see it very often.

Bottom line: Well above-average, worth your time.
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Back on The Escapist Show

19.12 Unknown 0 Comments

The Escapist once again contracted me for a film review, this time being "My Bloody Valentine 3D." Check it out on this week's Escapist Show, coming on at about 5:47.

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/the-escapist-show/524-Episode-Thirteen-Tom-Clancys-HAWX
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Underworld: Rise of The Lycans

21.44 Unknown 0 Comments

Here's a third-installment prequel to a scifi/horror/action franchise dedicated to the retelling of a backstory that was previously told to completion - along with all relevant details - in a two-minute flashback in the first film. If that's going to bother you, don't see it. If it doesn't - i.e. if you're an "Underworld" fan or a genre-fan in general and thus have been down this road before - you can do A LOT worse.

What I like best about the improbably-good "Underworld" movies is that it's a franchise wholly of and about itself - a rare feat. It's not based on or trying to pay fealty to some previously-published material and (even better) it's not trying to be in any way bigger than it's own story and world: Here's a trilogy (and counting?) about a centuries-long war between Vampires and Lycans (Werewolves) that never makes a move in the direction of social commentary, metaphor or even genre-deconstruction. It's Vampires aren't AIDS metaphors or wink-nudge abstinence advocates - they're pale, fanged, blood-drinking immortal aristocrats. It's Werewolves aren't stand-ins for puberty-angst; they're giant hulking wolf-headed monsters.

The two "later" films were futuristic and sprawling, this prequel is (literally) medieval and limited to a handful of locations centralized around a single Vampire fortress - in fact, it resembles nothing so much as a BBC 'royal manor' soap opera by way of the Universal Monsters. The story primarily concerns the hero-journey of Lucian (Michael Sheen,) the memorable Lycan rebel leader from the first film, here originating as a slave (the Vamps use the Lycans as brute laborers, the two races are technically cousins but the Vampires seem to be better about money) who's picked up a yearning to breath free while coverlty fooling around with the King's daughter Sonia. Sonia is embodied by Rhona Mitra, the amazonian Irish/Indian beauty whom you'd remember from "Doomsday" if you hadn't ignored it in theatres but probably know best as Kevin Bacon's unluckily-attractive neighbor from "Hollow Man."

What you ultimately get is mid-budget, feature length "seige of Helm's Deep" with armored, sword-wielding vampires standing in for the humans are werewolves standing in for the Orcs. I'm perfectly happy being among those for whom that spells "worth a look." Oh, and you also get Bill Nighy, who doesn't really NEED to act in this but does anyway. Good on him.

Small footnote, though: Warner Bros./DC Comics? If you're looking at ANYONE to play "Wonder Woman" OTHER than Rhona Mitra... can I ask why?
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2009 Oscar Nominations...

15.08 Unknown 0 Comments

...are bullshit. Moreso than usual.

More on that to follow, rest assured.
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Another week

06.38 Unknown 0 Comments

I gotta work out a system for this...

Didn't get much done this week. Closest thing I have to an explanation is that ONE of my jobs is at Circuit City. So that happened.

Anyway, "My Bloody Valentine 3D?" Not bad. The selling-point is the 3D gore FX shots, and they don't dissapoint, but you may eventually find yourself wondering why a mostly-forgotten mezzo-mezzo 80s slasher like this one got the big glossy remake treatment. Is "Slaughter High" chopped-liver? Did they assume 3D would make the finale of "Sleepaway Camp" perhaps a little TOO 'real'? But worth a look.

The big surprise, for me anyway? "Paul Blart: Mall Cop." Kevin James has been one to watch since he started stealing whole movies out from under Will Smith and Adam Sandler (in "Hitch" and "Chuck & Larry," respectively) but whether or not he can carry a movie as a lead has been a question mark particularly considering how not-great "King of Queens" generally is. Wonder no more: This guy's the real deal.

The premise and the entire outline you've already gleaned if you've seen the posters: Blart is an overweight, socially-awkward mall security guard who (can you guess?) dreams of being a real cop (called it!) but can't pass the physical requirements. Not necessarily because of weight - he's a physical dynamo despite his size - but because his weight is largely owed to Hypoglecimia, requiring him to maintain a high sugar intake in order to avoid fainting spells. He lives with his mom (yeah, saw it coming) while raising the single daughter left him by his ran-off, green-card seeking illegal-immigrant wife (that's new) and pines for the pretty new girl at the mall hair-extensions booth. You already know that he experiences an embarassing public event that sours the chances of that relationship, but to give the movie credit it's much more his own fault than some prank or misunderstanding. Things come to a head when a small army of parkour/extreme-sports trained theives seize the mall on Black Friday for a robbery, taking hostages - Blart's would-be girlfriend and daughter among them - and leaving Blart as the only non-imprisoned good guy on the inside.

So, it's a formula "Die Hard" sendup, but it gets by on solid slapstick, competent action direction (it's a family-friend PG for the language, but the myriad fight scenes are surprisingly intense) and James' inherent likability as Blart. Maybe I'm just naturally inclined to be nice to a movie where a big fat guy on a Segaway throws a douchebaggy X-Games reject on a skateboard through a window. The obviously low budget hurts it, but funny is funny.

Incidentally, here's the trailer for the remake of "Last House on The Left." I've never thought the original was worth much outside of the ahead-of-it's-time brutality, but there's no denying that it has one of the all-time great exploitation-horror premises: A gang that brutally rapes and butchers a young woman in the first-half inadvertently wind up taking shelter in the home of her parents... who take even MORE brutal revenge once they find out who their guests are and what they've done. Violence that'll turn your stomach followed by cathartic violence you can cheer for - perfect setup, yet to be fully realized, so maybe this will actually be better. The trailer gives away what seems to be the major deviation from the material, but I like where this is going. GREAT choice of ironic music:



The Wes Craven original is technically a remake of an Ingmar Bergman movie called "Virgin Spring," believe it or not.
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New Job...

12.44 Unknown 0 Comments

...Is great, but early training schedules play hell with my free time. Hence the weeklong absence. Ah, well. Here's what I've been up to recently:

GRAN TORINO
Kicks quite a bit of ass in it's own quiet way. It's kind of amazing to see it and realize that almost NONE of Clint's dialogue from the film can be shown in the trailers in-full - often it's just one long stream of dated racist nicknames and cuss words divided up by verbs. The character isn't so much a bigot as he is an angry man of a bygone era, who doesn't quite "get" (or doesn't want to get) that these days the words mean more than the intent. He slings "gook," "chink," "zipperhead," "slope" and even "swamp rat" at his Asian neighbors both in anger and in jest; and if he's aware that those are all meant for different KINDS of Asian people he certainly doesn't care.

Clint (once again the star, director and song-composer) is Walt Kowalski, a recently-widowed 78 year-old Korean War vet getting by on barely-suppressed resentment of the world around him. His grown sons and their families are shallow yuppies who condescend to "the old man," his home is the lone well-kept dwelling in an automotive-collapse-blighted neighborhood that's become one-part ghetto and one-part immigrant gathering place for Hmong refugee families, and his only companions are his dog and his prized vintage Ford Gran Torino. The car becomes the target of a local Hmong gang, who try to use it's theft to "jump in" Tao, a good, fatherless kid who happens to be Walt's neighbor. When the gang fighting spills over onto his lawn, Walt beats the baddies back at gunpoint and finds himself a sudden figure of curiousity and hero worship among the Hmong.

It's not so much that Walt is humanized by the Hmong as it is he's given a second chance at a place in the world. In many ways it's a revenge-on-the-world fantasy for elderly tough-guys: Walt growls and seethes when his granddaughter wears a belly-ring to grandma's funeral and physically expells his son when they come for his birthday bearing "gifts" of a big-button phone... and retirement home brochures. He doesn't "get" the world today, and doesn't want to, but he's shocked to see how much better he "fits" with his Hmong neighbors. It's a well-observed bit of business, for example, that Walt's apprehension about his neighbors strange customs get shoved right back in the holster when Tao's sister Soo explains "my family is very traditional." THAT he understands. He also finds a measure of long-missing personal fulfillment in becoming a psuedo-grandfather to Tao, whom he divines needs instructions in the ways of man: Tool-shopping, job-getting and even girl-wooing. Of course, there's always that gang to deal with...

Whether or not it's among Clint's best films is up for some debate, but it's one of the best out there right now.

THE READER:
In 1950s Germany, a teenaged boy slips into an affair with an older woman (Kate Winslet) which last one summer and ends suddenly when she vanishes without a trace. Years later, as a college student studying the legally issues surrounding the war-crimes trials of former Nazis, he sees her again - as a defendant, charged with having been an SS Guard at Auschwitz. What's more, there are some creepy paralells with her alleged treatment of inmates and the crux of their onetime relationship - she insisted he read to her before sex. Then things get REALLY complicated...

It's a pretty dark but also pretty interesting character study, with the bulk of the film existing as a flashback by Ralph Feinnes as the boy now grown into an emotionally-stunted man. He's walking around with secrets of his own, concerning a mystery he's solved (and that, unfortunately, most of the audience will have already guessed WELL before he does) about his onetime lover that may or may not have made a difference at her trial. Winslet (who'll almost-certainly be Oscar nominated) gets to do most of the heavy-lifting; spending about half the film in some state of undress and the rest at different ages in pretty powerful scenes. Newcomer David Kross, as the boy, handles a difficult role admirably - though given the first act, this is one young actor I never want to hear complaining about how difficult his job is.
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Doubt (2008)

21.20 Unknown 0 Comments

"Doubt" is an adaptation of a play, set in a church-adjacent Catholic school amid the 1960s "Vatican II" shift from the old-guard church to the "progressive" version. It's story principally involves a clash between Sister Aloysius (Meryl Streep,) the hard-bitten ice-queen leader of the Nuns and principal of the school; and Father Flynn (Philip Seymour Hoffman,) the new young priest who gets under her skin with his newfangled compassion-focused sermons and staunchly Vatican II progressivism - a clash that takes a grim turn when novice Sister James (Amy Adams) confides in her superior her vauge suspicion that Flynn may have "behaved innapropriately" with an Altar Boy. Problem is, there's exactly enough circumstantial evidence to make the accusation un-ignorable, but not enough to prove a single thing. Flynn is almost-certainly hiding something, Sister Aloysius is almost-certainly a semi-sociopath motivated at least in-part by a personal agenda, but the film has no intention whatsoever of letting you off easy as to what's actually going on.

That much you know from the trailers, and any more than that oughtn't be said. I'll just add three quick points:

  • It's excellent, you should see it as soon as possible.
  • Yes, I do have my own personal "guess" as to what the truth actually is, I'll be happy to discuss it in the comments but not here on the main page because spoilers are uncool.
  • Amy Adams in a nun's habit makes me think terrible, terrible thoughts.
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The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

20.55 Unknown 0 Comments

The just-shy-of-whimsical title was kind of an ironic gag in and of itself in F. Scott Fitzgerald's original short story, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button," since it was about as far from a fairytale as one could get given the material: A bleak story of alienation and discomfort centered on title character who's born a full-sized, fully-intelligent crotchety old man of 80 and ages backwards, mentally and physically, into and infant - failing at each step to "fit into" the world he's rewinding through.

This expanded, loosely-adapted film from David Fincher keeps the title, but swaps ironic for wholly-appropriate by changing-up the central gimmick: The film's Benjamin (Brad Pitt) is born as a tiny infant but with all of the physical traits (maladies, more specifically) of a near-death 80 year old man and ages "normally" in terms of his mind but in full-reverse in terms of his body - as a "child" he looks for all the world a frail, weathered old man; but as he ages he only gets stronger and better-looking.

The result, as you might expect, is that THIS Benjamin gets a certain number of benefits from his condition - 'old looking' enough to gain access to life experiences and information otherwise not offered to a boy, blessed with the body of a 20 year old with which to put a lifetime of wisdom to use in his waning days. He's less of a tragic walking-commentary and more of a magical being walking backwards through history; and the film is less of the expected allegorical ponderance and more of a biography of a man who can't possibly have existed yet seems to thanks to technical wizardry and damn fine acting from Pitt.

As you've probably heard by now, this one is a real stunner: A thoughtful, ultra high-concept art film doing a spot-on impression of a sweeping middlebrow epic. One imagines that many who see it will enjoy it right off the bat, but only discover later upon reflection just how unique and "different" the film they saw actually was.

It'd be unfair to dwell on the various colorful characters and fascinating times Button finds himself in over the course of his (you'd think) already unique-enough life, as I'd prefer people to discover them on their own. I will single out, however, how refreshing it is to see both Cate Blanchett (as Benjamin's almost-perpetually out-of-reach love interest) and Tilda Swinton - two actresses too-often tasked with playing icy, quasi-masculine hardcases - get to let their hair down as old-fashioned Hollywood glamour-gals.

This is already the surprise-hit of the Holiday season, so I probably don't NEED to tell you... but if you haven't seen this yet, you really should. It's one of the ones we'll be talking about for awhile (though I'm ALREADY dreading the innevitably "fun" the "Epic Movie" guys will have at the expense of the old-man-who-says-he's-a-toddler concept.)
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